The Name Game:
Fun For The Whole Family!
Gwendolyn "RotoRooter" LaPorte
I'm sure by know you've been told how to figure out your "Soap Opera Name"... that is, take your middle name as your first name, and use the name of the street you live on as your surname, and voila! A name fit for daytime drama. But I figured, why stop at just one name? So me and a few of my pals invented a few more name-generating formulas for your amusement.
Your Axe Murderer Name
Take your middle name. Use the short form for it. Next, try to recall a tool or device your parents wouldn't let you touch as a child because it was "too dangerous". Put that tool in quotations, then add the name of a French polititian.e.g. "Lizzie "Lawnmower" Levesque"
Your Burlesque Entertainer Name
Pick the name of your best female friend as a kid. Pick your favorite member of the melon family. Pluralize. Voila.e.g. "Maya Canteloupes"
Your James Bond Girl Name
Take your childhood name for your genitals, and add your Grandmother's maiden name.e.g. "Penny Whistle Hunt"
Your Performance Artist Name
Look around the room. What is the first thing you see? Then, add the today's number date.e.g. "Telephone Seven"
Your Rock Band's Name:
Using the Pearl Jam method: Take your grandmother's first name, and what you're having for lunch today. Replace all "s"es with zeds or put umlauts over all vowels. Start with the word "The" if you like.e.g. "The Gladyz Lentil"
The following five are kindly donated by Ed:
Your Dominatrix Name (Women Only)
Always start with Lady. Then add an "a" on to the end of your first name, followed by the words "mistress of the..." then select the most expensive power tool in your tool box and add it to the end.e.g. "Lady Edwina, Mistress of the Electric Sander"
Your Topless Dancer Name (Variation of Burlesque Entertainer)
As your first name, use your parent's pet name for you when you were a child. As a last name, use the last type of fruit you consumed, pluralized.e.g. "De-De Melons"
Your White Trash Name
Take the short form of your first name, adding "y" to the end, then suffixed by Sue or Ellen or Bob or Ray. For your surname, select your favourite greasy spoon, depluralize it, and add "Mc" in front of it.e.g. "Janie-Sue McHarvey"
Your Cross Dresser Name
Start with the words The Lady.... then for a first name, add your mother's first name, shortened, and followed by "ique". For your last name, put "Le" or "La" before your favourite cheese.e.g. "The Lady Francique LeBrie"
Your Mafia Don Name
As your first name, select your favourite family run Italian restaurant/pizzeria. For your alias, take the name of your internal organ that is mostly likely to become cancerous, and put it in quotes. Your last name is your real last name suffixed with "etti".e.g. "Angelo "Lungs" Caffinetti"